Each essay should include the following:
a. book title and author in the introductory paragraph
b. a thesis statement that encompasses the main idea of your essay which should be how the selected chapter is reflected in your novel
c. brief summary of the section to be discussed (no more than a paragraph)--just enough to get a sense of the context
d. analysis of the section through the lens of one of the chapters from How to Read Literature Like a Professor
e. a quotation you think is significant and your explanation of how the quote reflects the selected chapter
f. each essay should be approximately three hundred words
g. Copy and paste the essay! Do not upload a document!
Essay #1: The Reason For A Journey
Individuals are often involved in a situation where one can only follow the decisions made by others. Mostly, the settlement has a stated reason, which is just a mere excuse, but is often ignored due to little importance. Alice Walker’s novel The Color Purple, however, deals with a decision that determines one’s life. The novel presents two girls whose lives change due to a decision, starting a new journey of life. The protagonist in Walker’s novel conveys that the true reason for one’s journey, disregarding one’s will, is to gain self-respect.
Nettie and Celie are two African-American sisters, who were separated from each other by marriage due to their foster father. Celie’s new environment forces her to live as a housewife, ignoring her happiness and her feelings. After meeting Shug Avery, however, Celie starts to develop self-confidence and matures into an independent woman. In the end, she gains happiness, and learns how to value oneself.
The first chapter of Foster’s How to Read Literature Like a Professor explains that every journey is a quest and that the reason for a quest is self-knowledge. Throughout the novel, the protagonist, Celie, faces numerous difficulties, pained and yet developing ego. The reason for Celie’s marriage was to be a replacement as a woman, disregarding her will, but at the end she gained self-confidence, which is the real reason for every quest. “I’m pore, I’m black, I may be ugly and can’t cook… But I’m here” (Walker 210). Celie, although has a low self-esteem compared to others, starts to value herself, ignoring other people’s comments, and finally discovers the meaning of life, becoming an independent woman. No matter what the stated reason for one’s journey or a quest, the real reason is always to learn more about oneself and realize the value oneself has.
COMMENT
Hi Alice!!!!! I hope your summer was awesome! ^^ I read the same book so I can relate to your essay a lot. I agree with the points that you’ve stated and I’ve never viewed the novel this way so it’s very interesting and engaging. However, your essay seems to be unclear with the summary section. Your main points and thesis is well stated but the summary is too broad. Focusing on the specific section that you’ve written about would improve the summary in general. Also, the people who haven’t read the book would understand your essay and the novel better. For the word choice, there seems to be number of “however” throughout the essay that sounds repetitive and unnecessary. Changing these words would improve your sentences their structure. As for the examples that you used, they convey the general topic of your essay and support it in a very concise way. Overall, your essay is very well written and shows your efforts!
-HaJung Kim-
Alice's Essay #1
Hello? Alice! Hope you had a great summer! Reading your essay caused me to actually buy the novel that you had read. Ideas that you showed through the essay were creative and quite fascinating. Your main idea and thesis statement reinforced your strong message with one sentence. However, your sentence fluency and word choice seemed to be quite weak compared your ideas put into the essay. Although it was quite easy to follow the essay, there were several part that seemed to be irrelvant to the sentence before and after. Moreover, word choice could've improved to make the essay look more mature than it is now. In summary, your essay seemed to carry a good message of your own understanding of the novel.
-Samuel Yang
Essay #2: More Than Just Appearance
In the story called “life,” there’s always a protagonist, antagonists and minor characters that either supports or is against the protagonist. The form of the antagonist varies for each novel: a monster, ghost, and even a vampire. These representations of evil forces, however, don’t always have a hideous appearance for the inner mind matters more than the look. Alice Walker’s novel, The Color Purple, introduces the most modest looking symbolic vampire that is corrupted than other antagonists. Walker’s novel presents the possibility of a fair looking, symbolic vampire to be the most malicious figure to exist.
Celie and Nettie are two African-American sisters who were raised by their foster father. Unable to remove his sexual desire, their father sexually abuses Celie and makes her become pregnant twice. Going through such trauma, Celie loses liveliness and happiness in her life and only devotes herself to prevent her sister to become like her and reading bibles to purify oneself.
The scenario of Walker’s novel fits the general plot of Foster’s explanation of vampires in chapter 3 in How to Read Literature Like a Professor. The three essence of a vampire story are contained in Walker’s novel: an older figure representing corrupt, a young virginal female, and the male stripping away youth, energy, and virtue from the female. “I say Marry him, Nettie, an try to have one good year out your life… But me, never again”(Walker 5). Celie lost liveliness, and the reason for existence after the rape, resulting her state of being “undead.” The only reason for such existence has become to protect her sister from the “sinner”(194). Walker’s novel shows that despite the looks of the antagonist, the vampire, of the story, the harms it caused is the same, even more than those caused by a hideous looking monster.
Everyday, it is common to see news about violence held among people. Why do violence occur? Reasons for such violence vary from one another: revenge, relieving stress, or to make a statement. The increase of violence has resulted numerous novels dealing with violence. Alice Walker’s novel The Color Purple is one of the books that have violence as a significant topic. Walker sends a message about the severity of racism and gender bias through the usage of violence in her novel.
Celie and Nettie are two African-American sisters who were raised by their foster father. Her parents were Caucasian and an African-American, which resulted numerous ill consequences. Out of the two, Celie was sexually abused by her father, and then was sold to another Caucasian man. Due to her skin color, Celie was mistreated by her husband and his children, which was more severe than from those her father. Her role in the family was more of a slave than a wife and a mother.
In Walker’s book, the violent scenes frequently occur, compared to other novels, and the reason for this is written in chapter eleven of Foster’s How to Read Literature Like a Professor. “He pick up a rock and laid my head open. The blood run all down tween my breasts” (Walker 12). Celie’s husband’s action could simply mean husband’s ill treatment toward his wife but in a bigger picture, it relates to racism and gender bias. The power Caucasian men had over African-American women, allowed such cruelty toward women. Celie’s pain represents the pain the slaves went through in the past, sending the message of the importance of equality among people despite the color of their skins. Violence’s power is inestimable for it could make and send a statement to the public quickly and easily.
Comment.
I feel that in many novels there are mentions of sexual activities, most often forced upon women. Always, they speak of men's nature and their inane characters to desire after such things. I know some similar stories that deal with a father's sexual abuse of her daughter and it really pains me to see it. It may just be a book, but to realize that beyond such fiction there are actually cases like this out there. I haven't read this book so I don't know the full gist of it, but one thing I know is that I seem to feel a resentment towards this father as well. I don't feel that it being men's inane character is a good enough excuse to exploit women in that manner. Although I've always felt life could be much easier as a guy, when I look upon this I feel relieved to be a girl. Since I'm hoping to find out what happens between these three people, I'll be sure to check this book out later.
priscilla
Comment
Hey, Alice!
In general, I understood what you wanted to say in your essay, meaning that your essay's clarity was good. Moreover, your stress upon the racism and gender bias, allowed me to picture what your novel would be like. However, I think that you could have made possible changes. For example, although your introduction was okay, the sentences could have been clearer. The fourth sentence and the last two sentences, for instance, do not link together well. Likewise, I believe that when you talk about a novel, you use present tense. Thus, I think that you should be more be careful about the tenses. Lastly, I did not completely get what you meant in the conclusion part where you wrote "...the reason for this is written in chapter eleven of Foster's How to Read Literature Like a Professor." Perhaps, you could have wrote which reason you were referring to. But overall, your essay is well-written, and your voice, and ideas are strong enough. Good Job :)
- Sun Young Park
Essay #4: Everyone Can Become A Christ figure
Religion is one of the major subjects in the world that is the easiest yet hardest to understand. It gives comfort and happiness to people yet troubles people as well. As more people became religious, various forms of Christ figures started to rise in literature. Alice Walker’s The Color Purple describes the main protagonist, who is a woman, as a Christ figure. Walker’s story presents the possibility of minorities to be Christ figures because there’s no restriction.
Celie is an African-American girl who was raised by her foster father. Due to her father, Celie becomes pregnant twice but loses both of her children; they were sold to another family. Getting bored of her, the father sold Celie to another Caucasian man, who had five children of his own. Celie was beaten by her husband for being vulnerable and forced her to sacrifice herself every time.
Proving a character to be a Christ figure is difficult but with the explanations in chapter fourteen of Foster’s How to Read Literature Like a Professor, it becomes an easy task. The essences of a Christ figure are self-sacrificing, and good with children. “She never stand up for herself. Try to make a little half stand sometime for the children but that always backfire”(Walker 41). Celie’s love for children is indescribable for she lost her beloved children, disregarding her will. No matter how someone else treats her, Celie protects her children because children are the only one she has to herself. Celie is like Christ for she loves children, and is always willing to sacrifice herself for the children whom she loves. Becoming a Christ figure is hard but it’s not hard because there are restrictions; it is hard because there is no restriction for anything, just a few lists of necessities difficult to obtain.
Every day, people interact with nature through walking in the streets or exercising outside. Being the necessity and causing harm at the same time, power of weather in any piece of literature, as a plot device, is immeasurable. Alice Walker’s The Color Purple also uses weather as a plot device, to give strong effects to readers. The usage of weather in Walker’s novel enhances the quality of writing through clear transition, and the smooth progress of the plot.
Celie and Nettie are two African-American sisters who were raised by their stepfather. As time passed, Celie was sexually abused by her father and went through two pregnancies but, due to her father, lost her children to another family. The stepfather pained the two sisters once more by selling Celie to a Caucasian man and sending Nettie to the family whom raised Celie’s children. Along with her new family, Nettie went to Africa as a missionary, thus in consequence the absence of communication between the sisters.
Walker’s reason for using weather significantly is explained in chapter ten of Foster’s How to Read Literature Like a Professor. Weather is a plot device, helping the progress of the plot. “The weather cool for the last of June… By now my heart is in my mouth and I can’t move. It’s Nettie…”(Walker 291). This quote had more significance than others because it was Celie’s first time to mention both time and weather at the same time. The rare usage of plot device has brought a greater effect then it would have. Without a plot device the scene couldn’t have progressed well and the transition would have been awkward. Weather in literature could simply be a description but it’s used more as a plot device for the tension and mood it creates is unobtainable through words.
Hey Alice,
I've read the same novel for my summer reading assignment and I was excited to read what you had to say as well! Overall, your essay succeeds in telling the reader your point of view as well as Foster's about the usage of weather through plot devices. I've noticed that Alice Walker used the color 'purple' through out the whole book whether good things or bad things happened to the main character, which could have been emphasized in your essay. Your thesis was good but I believe that it could have been a bit stronger to grab the readers attention and introduce your topic for the essay since the first sentance is when the readers are in focus the most. Furthermore, you could have put in some more exclusive examples from the book that could have pertained to the symbols of weather. For your sentace fluency I applaud you since the essay as a whole flows well from the first word to the last. I also compliment your usage of voice since it is strong and sincere through out the essay. Good job on your essay and see you in school! :)
-Cindy Choi
Comment #1
Sarah Cho
Essay #3 (Communion and Food)
Hi, Sarah!
Your essay was clear and simple for your evidence and explanations were thorough but not complicated. The way you supported your opinion with Foster's explanation in his book was rational and the evidence you had was solid. One thing is that, it could just be me, but the way you mention the behaviors of soldiers after the food came out in two paragraphs, the second and the third, seemed a little repetitive but I understand that you couldn't write more due to the limited word count. The sentence transition was smooth and there weren't any big awkward moments while reading your essay. However, I noticed that you used the word, "communion" seven times. It would have been better if you used a different word than "communion," such as rapport. Also, instead of "more calm," I think you can use "calmer." The flow is better and you can get rid of one word to replace it with another. I'm not hundred percent sure about this one, but shouldn't you include the author's name in the paranthesis, considering that there were no previous quote citing the author? It could just be me but I couldn't exactely find your thesis statement for your essay. The ending sentence of the introductory paragraph didn't seem like the thesis statement. (The one that starts like, "This resembles...") I think you should underline Foster's book as well because it is the title of the book. Your conclusion paragraph was well done I think for it summarized all the points you addressed in the previous paragraphs. Overall, I really liked your essay and it really made me wonder the scene about the soldiers forming a communion in front of the food. I think it is a good book and I would like to read it someday. Good job!
- Alice Ahn
Comment #2
Daeun Lee Essay #1 (Communion and Food)
Hi Daeun!
First of all, my book didn't really have any significant eating scenes,except involving fights, so I was interested in reading your essay. The way you describe how the atmosphere changed as the two female protagonists were eating was quite surprising. The introductory paragraph was well written for eating is what everyone has in common and pointing that out was one way to grab reader's attention. I didn't see any huge mistakes in the introductory paragraph but I'm not sure if I have found the thesis statement right. Is it the last sentence of your first paragraph? (Beginning with "The emotional...")
This sentence sounded like a thesis statement but it didn't seem to be a definite, solid thesis statement. The body paragraph was well written. I was able to picture the image in my head. The way you supported your opinion with Foster's explanations was another good point of your essay. It was simple, and easy to understand, making the reader to agree with you without much difficulties. It would have been better if you wrote more analysis about the quote but since it was limited to 300 words, I understand that. The conclusion paragraph was the most well written out of the three paragraphs, in my opinion, because you summarized the points you talked in the previous paragraphs well. The conclusion sentence was clear and simple, well organized and easy to understand for the readers.
Overall, I really enjoyed your essay. It was short, simple, clear, and well-supported. It seems like your book is a good book. I would like to read it later when it is available. Great job!
- Alice Ahn
IMPORTANT: Your summer reading assignment page should have five essays (copy and pasted) and two comments (copy and pasted). If I have to look for your assignments, points will be deducted!
The Color Purple
By Alice Walker
ApprovedURL: www.life.arizona.edu/diversity/library_films.asp
Each essay should include the following:
a. book title and author in the introductory paragraph
b. a thesis statement that encompasses the main idea of your essay which should be how the selected chapter is reflected in your novel
c. brief summary of the section to be discussed (no more than a paragraph)--just enough to get a sense of the context
d. analysis of the section through the lens of one of the chapters from How to Read Literature Like a Professor
e. a quotation you think is significant and your explanation of how the quote reflects the selected chapter
f. each essay should be approximately three hundred words
g. Copy and paste the essay! Do not upload a document!
Essay #1: The Reason For A Journey
Individuals are often involved in a situation where one can only follow the decisions made by others. Mostly, the settlement has a stated reason, which is just a mere excuse, but is often ignored due to little importance. Alice Walker’s novel The Color Purple, however, deals with a decision that determines one’s life. The novel presents two girls whose lives change due to a decision, starting a new journey of life. The protagonist in Walker’s novel conveys that the true reason for one’s journey, disregarding one’s will, is to gain self-respect.Nettie and Celie are two African-American sisters, who were separated from each other by marriage due to their foster father. Celie’s new environment forces her to live as a housewife, ignoring her happiness and her feelings. After meeting Shug Avery, however, Celie starts to develop self-confidence and matures into an independent woman. In the end, she gains happiness, and learns how to value oneself.
The first chapter of Foster’s How to Read Literature Like a Professor explains that every journey is a quest and that the reason for a quest is self-knowledge. Throughout the novel, the protagonist, Celie, faces numerous difficulties, pained and yet developing ego. The reason for Celie’s marriage was to be a replacement as a woman, disregarding her will, but at the end she gained self-confidence, which is the real reason for every quest. “I’m pore, I’m black, I may be ugly and can’t cook… But I’m here” (Walker 210). Celie, although has a low self-esteem compared to others, starts to value herself, ignoring other people’s comments, and finally discovers the meaning of life, becoming an independent woman. No matter what the stated reason for one’s journey or a quest, the real reason is always to learn more about oneself and realize the value oneself has.
COMMENT
Hi Alice!!!!! I hope your summer was awesome! ^^ I read the same book so I can relate to your essay a lot. I agree with the points that you’ve stated and I’ve never viewed the novel this way so it’s very interesting and engaging. However, your essay seems to be unclear with the summary section. Your main points and thesis is well stated but the summary is too broad. Focusing on the specific section that you’ve written about would improve the summary in general. Also, the people who haven’t read the book would understand your essay and the novel better. For the word choice, there seems to be number of “however” throughout the essay that sounds repetitive and unnecessary. Changing these words would improve your sentences their structure. As for the examples that you used, they convey the general topic of your essay and support it in a very concise way. Overall, your essay is very well written and shows your efforts!
-HaJung Kim-
Alice's Essay #1
Hello? Alice! Hope you had a great summer! Reading your essay caused me to actually buy the novel that you had read. Ideas that you showed through the essay were creative and quite fascinating. Your main idea and thesis statement reinforced your strong message with one sentence. However, your sentence fluency and word choice seemed to be quite weak compared your ideas put into the essay. Although it was quite easy to follow the essay, there were several part that seemed to be irrelvant to the sentence before and after. Moreover, word choice could've improved to make the essay look more mature than it is now. In summary, your essay seemed to carry a good message of your own understanding of the novel.
-Samuel Yang
Essay #2: More Than Just Appearance
In the story called “life,” there’s always a protagonist, antagonists and minor characters that either supports or is against the protagonist. The form of the antagonist varies for each novel: a monster, ghost, and even a vampire. These representations of evil forces, however, don’t always have a hideous appearance for the inner mind matters more than the look. Alice Walker’s novel, The Color Purple, introduces the most modest looking symbolic vampire that is corrupted than other antagonists. Walker’s novel presents the possibility of a fair looking, symbolic vampire to be the most malicious figure to exist.
Celie and Nettie are two African-American sisters who were raised by their foster father. Unable to remove his sexual desire, their father sexually abuses Celie and makes her become pregnant twice. Going through such trauma, Celie loses liveliness and happiness in her life and only devotes herself to prevent her sister to become like her and reading bibles to purify oneself.
The scenario of Walker’s novel fits the general plot of Foster’s explanation of vampires in chapter 3 in How to Read Literature Like a Professor. The three essence of a vampire story are contained in Walker’s novel: an older figure representing corrupt, a young virginal female, and the male stripping away youth, energy, and virtue from the female. “I say Marry him, Nettie, an try to have one good year out your life… But me, never again”(Walker 5). Celie lost liveliness, and the reason for existence after the rape, resulting her state of being “undead.” The only reason for such existence has become to protect her sister from the “sinner”(194). Walker’s novel shows that despite the looks of the antagonist, the vampire, of the story, the harms it caused is the same, even more than those caused by a hideous looking monster.
Essay #3: Usage of Violence
Everyday, it is common to see news about violence held among people. Why do violence occur? Reasons for such violence vary from one another: revenge, relieving stress, or to make a statement. The increase of violence has resulted numerous novels dealing with violence. Alice Walker’s novel The Color Purple is one of the books that have violence as a significant topic. Walker sends a message about the severity of racism and gender bias through the usage of violence in her novel.Celie and Nettie are two African-American sisters who were raised by their foster father. Her parents were Caucasian and an African-American, which resulted numerous ill consequences. Out of the two, Celie was sexually abused by her father, and then was sold to another Caucasian man. Due to her skin color, Celie was mistreated by her husband and his children, which was more severe than from those her father. Her role in the family was more of a slave than a wife and a mother.
In Walker’s book, the violent scenes frequently occur, compared to other novels, and the reason for this is written in chapter eleven of Foster’s How to Read Literature Like a Professor. “He pick up a rock and laid my head open. The blood run all down tween my breasts” (Walker 12). Celie’s husband’s action could simply mean husband’s ill treatment toward his wife but in a bigger picture, it relates to racism and gender bias. The power Caucasian men had over African-American women, allowed such cruelty toward women. Celie’s pain represents the pain the slaves went through in the past, sending the message of the importance of equality among people despite the color of their skins. Violence’s power is inestimable for it could make and send a statement to the public quickly and easily.
Comment.
I feel that in many novels there are mentions of sexual activities, most often forced upon women. Always, they speak of men's nature and their inane characters to desire after such things. I know some similar stories that deal with a father's sexual abuse of her daughter and it really pains me to see it. It may just be a book, but to realize that beyond such fiction there are actually cases like this out there. I haven't read this book so I don't know the full gist of it, but one thing I know is that I seem to feel a resentment towards this father as well. I don't feel that it being men's inane character is a good enough excuse to exploit women in that manner. Although I've always felt life could be much easier as a guy, when I look upon this I feel relieved to be a girl. Since I'm hoping to find out what happens between these three people, I'll be sure to check this book out later.
priscilla
Comment
Hey, Alice!
In general, I understood what you wanted to say in your essay, meaning that your essay's clarity was good. Moreover, your stress upon the racism and gender bias, allowed me to picture what your novel would be like. However, I think that you could have made possible changes. For example, although your introduction was okay, the sentences could have been clearer. The fourth sentence and the last two sentences, for instance, do not link together well. Likewise, I believe that when you talk about a novel, you use present tense. Thus, I think that you should be more be careful about the tenses. Lastly, I did not completely get what you meant in the conclusion part where you wrote "...the reason for this is written in chapter eleven of Foster's How to Read Literature Like a Professor." Perhaps, you could have wrote which reason you were referring to. But overall, your essay is well-written, and your voice, and ideas are strong enough. Good Job :)
- Sun Young Park
Essay #4: Everyone Can Become A Christ figure
Religion is one of the major subjects in the world that is the easiest yet hardest to understand. It gives comfort and happiness to people yet troubles people as well. As more people became religious, various forms of Christ figures started to rise in literature. Alice Walker’s The Color Purple describes the main protagonist, who is a woman, as a Christ figure. Walker’s story presents the possibility of minorities to be Christ figures because there’s no restriction.Celie is an African-American girl who was raised by her foster father. Due to her father, Celie becomes pregnant twice but loses both of her children; they were sold to another family. Getting bored of her, the father sold Celie to another Caucasian man, who had five children of his own. Celie was beaten by her husband for being vulnerable and forced her to sacrifice herself every time.
Proving a character to be a Christ figure is difficult but with the explanations in chapter fourteen of Foster’s How to Read Literature Like a Professor, it becomes an easy task. The essences of a Christ figure are self-sacrificing, and good with children. “She never stand up for herself. Try to make a little half stand sometime for the children but that always backfire”(Walker 41). Celie’s love for children is indescribable for she lost her beloved children, disregarding her will. No matter how someone else treats her, Celie protects her children because children are the only one she has to herself. Celie is like Christ for she loves children, and is always willing to sacrifice herself for the children whom she loves. Becoming a Christ figure is hard but it’s not hard because there are restrictions; it is hard because there is no restriction for anything, just a few lists of necessities difficult to obtain.
Essay #5: The Role of Weather
Every day, people interact with nature through walking in the streets or exercising outside. Being the necessity and causing harm at the same time, power of weather in any piece of literature, as a plot device, is immeasurable. Alice Walker’s The Color Purple also uses weather as a plot device, to give strong effects to readers. The usage of weather in Walker’s novel enhances the quality of writing through clear transition, and the smooth progress of the plot.
Celie and Nettie are two African-American sisters who were raised by their stepfather. As time passed, Celie was sexually abused by her father and went through two pregnancies but, due to her father, lost her children to another family. The stepfather pained the two sisters once more by selling Celie to a Caucasian man and sending Nettie to the family whom raised Celie’s children. Along with her new family, Nettie went to Africa as a missionary, thus in consequence the absence of communication between the sisters.
Walker’s reason for using weather significantly is explained in chapter ten of Foster’s How to Read Literature Like a Professor. Weather is a plot device, helping the progress of the plot. “The weather cool for the last of June… By now my heart is in my mouth and I can’t move. It’s Nettie…”(Walker 291). This quote had more significance than others because it was Celie’s first time to mention both time and weather at the same time. The rare usage of plot device has brought a greater effect then it would have. Without a plot device the scene couldn’t have progressed well and the transition would have been awkward. Weather in literature could simply be a description but it’s used more as a plot device for the tension and mood it creates is unobtainable through words.
Hey Alice,
I've read the same novel for my summer reading assignment and I was excited to read what you had to say as well! Overall, your essay succeeds in telling the reader your point of view as well as Foster's about the usage of weather through plot devices. I've noticed that Alice Walker used the color 'purple' through out the whole book whether good things or bad things happened to the main character, which could have been emphasized in your essay. Your thesis was good but I believe that it could have been a bit stronger to grab the readers attention and introduce your topic for the essay since the first sentance is when the readers are in focus the most. Furthermore, you could have put in some more exclusive examples from the book that could have pertained to the symbols of weather. For your sentace fluency I applaud you since the essay as a whole flows well from the first word to the last. I also compliment your usage of voice since it is strong and sincere through out the essay. Good job on your essay and see you in school! :)
-Cindy Choi
Comment #1
Sarah Cho
Essay #3 (Communion and Food)
Hi, Sarah!
Your essay was clear and simple for your evidence and explanations were thorough but not complicated. The way you supported your opinion with Foster's explanation in his book was rational and the evidence you had was solid. One thing is that, it could just be me, but the way you mention the behaviors of soldiers after the food came out in two paragraphs, the second and the third, seemed a little repetitive but I understand that you couldn't write more due to the limited word count. The sentence transition was smooth and there weren't any big awkward moments while reading your essay. However, I noticed that you used the word, "communion" seven times. It would have been better if you used a different word than "communion," such as rapport. Also, instead of "more calm," I think you can use "calmer." The flow is better and you can get rid of one word to replace it with another. I'm not hundred percent sure about this one, but shouldn't you include the author's name in the paranthesis, considering that there were no previous quote citing the author? It could just be me but I couldn't exactely find your thesis statement for your essay. The ending sentence of the introductory paragraph didn't seem like the thesis statement. (The one that starts like, "This resembles...") I think you should underline Foster's book as well because it is the title of the book. Your conclusion paragraph was well done I think for it summarized all the points you addressed in the previous paragraphs. Overall, I really liked your essay and it really made me wonder the scene about the soldiers forming a communion in front of the food. I think it is a good book and I would like to read it someday. Good job!
- Alice Ahn
Comment #2
Daeun Lee
Essay #1 (Communion and Food)
Hi Daeun!
First of all, my book didn't really have any significant eating scenes,except involving fights, so I was interested in reading your essay. The way you describe how the atmosphere changed as the two female protagonists were eating was quite surprising. The introductory paragraph was well written for eating is what everyone has in common and pointing that out was one way to grab reader's attention. I didn't see any huge mistakes in the introductory paragraph but I'm not sure if I have found the thesis statement right. Is it the last sentence of your first paragraph? (Beginning with "The emotional...")
This sentence sounded like a thesis statement but it didn't seem to be a definite, solid thesis statement. The body paragraph was well written. I was able to picture the image in my head. The way you supported your opinion with Foster's explanations was another good point of your essay. It was simple, and easy to understand, making the reader to agree with you without much difficulties. It would have been better if you wrote more analysis about the quote but since it was limited to 300 words, I understand that. The conclusion paragraph was the most well written out of the three paragraphs, in my opinion, because you summarized the points you talked in the previous paragraphs well. The conclusion sentence was clear and simple, well organized and easy to understand for the readers.
Overall, I really enjoyed your essay. It was short, simple, clear, and well-supported. It seems like your book is a good book. I would like to read it later when it is available. Great job!
- Alice Ahn
IMPORTANT: Your summer reading assignment page should have five essays (copy and pasted) and two comments (copy and pasted). If I have to look for your assignments, points will be deducted!